As you may or may not have noticed, I stopped writing just after the new year. I was preparing to move, and leave Sir against my will. Instead of getting easier, both of our emotions got more intense as my time grew shorter. Love, despair, and yes, anger grew stronger and stronger.
Pain play brought out the rage in both of us. He feared he would not be able to stop himself. I craved the release, but found myself angry with him after instead of feeling better. Sex lost its pleasure, and instead made us both very sad. We both, for the most part, quit playing with others with few exceptions, and never together anymore. The pain was just too much.
I just couldn’t write anymore. I didn’t want to hear what my mind had to tell me when I even thought about ‘typing it out’. I had nothing slutty to write about anyway.
Instead of fading though, our love grew even stronger. Each moment became so much more precious. Yet the days kept passing. No matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t get time to stand still.
Then it was over…
Now I am on the other corner of the country and starting over. With no job, no home, & no friends here at the moment at least I have family to help me through. I’ve been crying less each day. I’ve been doing more each day. I am STILL BREATHING.
“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
I did have a choice in all this. I chose. My children won. Always the eternal optimist though, I am determined to make the best of things I can’t control.
I will ALWAYS be His. He will always be there for me. Our souls are forever connected. My new collar from axsmar.eu is a constant reminder of this. Everything He taught me about love, life, and myself is part of me now and can not be taken away, NO MATTER WHAT, just as this collar can not be taken off.
I will forever be grateful.
Life moves on, even when you don’t want it to.
I do find myself completely uninterested in submitting to any new Dom ever again though. How could anyone compare to Sir? But I am not giving up kink. It is part of who I am. It always was, even before I was aware of it.
I will attend munches. I will meet new, interesting, open-minded people here. I will go to play parties when I can, but now as a Domme. I have updated my Fetlife profile.
So look out Florida.
@iSlut_ has arrived!