Playing With Fire

I was originally going to write about last night, being ‘sold’ to pay a debt. I considered using this photo.

But I can’t really write about last night. Not because of his privacy issues, which is a concern… but because I want to talk about something else. And most of you couldn’t handle the details anyway. Some kinks are still taboo… even among you perverts.

So what do I want to talk about?


I talk about pain a lot. I love pain. Usually. And I love to find new ways to be hurt. I even blogged about one the other day.

Most pain can leave me blissfully happy, floating along in my happy place, dancing under the implements, moaning for more. Eventually. After I fight it for a while…

Some pain I do not like though. Last night’s was that type. The night wasn’t about pain at all, but he does know exactly how to hurt me in ways I can’t enjoy. Repeatedly. Pinning me down. Laughing. Because he can. Because he knows it won’t actually harm me. Because he knows I’m too stubborn to safeword on it. When he tired of that, he moved on to far more evil things.

In either case, my brain reacts the same. It adjusts to the pain. The effects last quite a while for me. Days sometimes. I wrote a post about the dangers of this when I barely felt a broken ankle. And today I was reminded of it again.

When I got home this morning, I went in the kitchen and was reaching for something when I heard a sound. I recognized it… after a second or two. It sounded like throwing a steak on a grill. It was my hand. Someone had left a burner on. I moved it quickly then, but I had already burned three fingers.

I felt the burner. I could feel my fingers. But the burns didn’t hurt. They still don’t, even though I know they should. There’s no blistering. Just white, cooked, flesh.

If the skin turns white immediately after the burn occurs and you feel no pain at the site, this may be a third-degree burn. And a bad burn without blistering also points towards 3rd degree; if enough layers are destroyed blisters will not form. 

If my body hadn’t already been shutting out pain, I believe I would’ve felt the burn immediately. I would’ve automatically flinched away. But I didn’t. I gave myself third degree burns.

I need to remember this (again) and be even more careful when I can’t feel pain.

You need to know this if you’re going to play with pain, whether giving or receiving.

Protect the body when you play with the mind. I can not stress this enough.

A reminder that should’ve been painful. (And my original pic *may* still be lurking here…)

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