Practicing My Religion

Once upon a time there was a girl. She wasn’t anything special. She didn’t always follow all the rules, but she was basically a good person. And she was looking for something. She just didn’t know what until she met Him.

He was a very powerful man. Not the kind of power that comes from wealth or position, but a natural power that radiated from within. He was quietly confident. He spoke gently, but he had a pull… a draw… that held one’s attention. His words were mesmerizing. He was a natural story teller and He spoke of wonders beyond imagination.

From the moment she met Him she knew she would serve Him forever.

He welcomed her with love, and made her a part of His family. He was a good man, kind yet firm. His rules were simple, and made sense. He expected discipline, but was forgiving of honest mistakes, and used those times to teach rather than punish.

His ‘family of choice’ was dynamic and large. Sometimes new men and women were welcomed into this community, His inner circle. Others moved on, never forgotten, and welcomed with open arms should they return.

She never felt so loved.

Of course there were arguments, misunderstandings, jealousies, and more. People do that. But they followed the rules. They thought of others. They were nice to each other. They did things just because it was the right thing to do. Well, they tried. They were just human after all. When things inevitably went wrong, they sought His wisdom. He was a natural born leader. They all loved Him.

And He loved them all.

He always made her feel very special however. They always had a very intimate connection. In their private moments, their personal time, He was just Himself. His big-hearted, vulnerable, passionate soul was open to her. And hers was to Him.

She learned so much from Him. She learned so much about herself. His greatest gift to her was showing her a place of great joy, peace, calm, and love within herself. It was a feeling, a flight, an existence too wondrous for words.

It forever changed how she thought about everything.

She understood His message then. She understood His drive to tell others of this bliss, to help them learn how to achieve it. So did others who had learned to find this place. It was so simple, and yet it defied the ability of the human mind to comprehend. Of course it must be shared. She dedicated her life to helping Him do just that.

And then… He was gone. All things in this world end.

So is that the Easter Perversion? Telling the story of Jesus Christ as a Poly Dom who knew about something similar to Subspace? Comparing myself to St. Mary Magdalene, often depicted as a redhead… often slandered as a whore?

Well, yes. Partly. But that’s not good enough. Why limit it to Christianity? Why limit it to Religion?

I ran across a photo of this sculpture while looking for an illustration to describe a mood. The mood was ‘maudlin’ (tearfully or weakly emotional, self pitying), and the root of the word is based on art of Mary Magdalene as a weeping woman.

“Maddalena Penitente” (“The Repentant Mary Magdalene”) by Antonio Canova 1796

I was captivated by this sculpture. I can see sorrow, but I do not see the self-despair, guilt, or sin implied by the name. I see a woman grieving, letting go, struggling to find her strength, her inner peace, her connection with Him. I see submission to things beyond her control. I see surrender.

She found what she needed.

At the time I was feeling quite maudlin and repentant, caught up in my own issues. I would have to be to be searching images to illustrate my moodiness along with legal codes relating to the use of condoms. But that is another story. This picture reminded me my answers weren’t out there anywhere, only within. I remembered the most important thing of all.

My tormented emotions stilled. I found peace. I had forgotten I had it all along.

Jesus Christ was right. There is a Heaven. There is eternal life. I am never alone.

What in the hell is she babbling about? What does this have to do with perversion? Is she reforming her slutty ways?

(Patience dear reader. I am attempting to pervert Religion, Science, the Universe, the meaning of Existence, and Everything all at once. It isn’t an easy feat. In fact, I know I will fail.)

So… Heaven… and eternal life… both real. How do I know? I caught a glimpse.

“I had stumbled upon Nirvana.  Fulfilling my fantasy had become trivial when compared to immortality.” ~Me

Can I prove it? *sigh* No. Can I describe it? I have tried. It frustrates me to tears sometimes. But I’m not the only one. Far better have tried.

“I have tried to explain the essence of this epiphany before.  I failed.  I might as well attempt describing a beautiful sunset to a man born blind.  I accept what it means to me, and perhaps that will just have to be enough.” ~Me

But it’s not enough. There is a compulsion to share this with others. A drive. Even though I know it sounds crazy… But at least I am in good company.

So here it is. I have written a it thousand different ways trying to get it right. It isn’t possible. This is the short version. 

*deep breath*

If you go deep enough within yourself, you will find somewhere else. Seriously. No bullshit. And it is The Most Important Thing.

This other… whatever… is Heaven, Tao, Ultimate, Infinity, Tenth Dimension, Nirvana, Cosmic Consciousness, or a million other names.

Part of you is already there. Everyone, everything, everywhere, everywhen, and every-other-thing-you-can’t-even-begin-to-comprehend is there. Religions began here. Science too. Universes. Dimensions. All so obviously connected. No String Theory can do justice to the beauty and perfection of it all.

You will know it when you get there. In fact, you will know everything when you get there. It all makes perfect sense. Unfortunately, if you come back (and you won’t want to), your physical mind can’t retain it. But there is a reason for that too. I just don’t remember it.

Even if you don’t make it all the way there, the journey itself is quite scenic and relaxing. It is well worth the trip. I make frequent, short flights for pleasure.

*breathes again*

So, if you haven’t stopped reading yet, I bet you’re wondering how to get there. Simple. Just turn off your brain. The shutting down process is your choice.

Death, of course, is one option. But that will come soon enough. In the meantime, meditation, prayer, chanting, self-hypnosis, trance, mantras, starvation, and physical hardships are some ways great prophets used to go on this vision quest, to attain enlightenment.

Regular, non-prophets do it too. You can buy books and DVDs online that promise to teach you. There are all sorts of people out there willing to help… for a fee… or a donation…

I prefer submission and pain personally.

I could focus on trying to go that far again, to better describe what it is… to try to remember more… I could write it all down.

I could publish a book. Try to teach others how to get there. Then they could help teach more. Of course there would be expenses involved… But then everything gets complicated, and the basic meaning gets interpreted differently…

I am not trying to start another religion anyway.

So instead I will leave you with two possibilities…

Everything is wonderful, connected, and beautiful. This world, this reality, is only a fraction of the whole. There is everlasting/always beginning joy, love and peace. And I discovered it in my own submissive, masochistic, slutty way.


It is all just a trick of the mind. Brain chemistry. And I am deluded. But then that might mean so are they…

“And it seemed like I traveled at this speed forever…and then I started to slow down and the light actually increased but now it was ok because I became part of this light and I was in this area that was so beautiful and then people started talking to me; calling me by my name and they all knew me and I realized I knew all of them.  They were so happy to see me, and we were communicating, all at the same time, it was like I was talking to a million people all at the same time.  Yet, I could understand everything that was said and I was answering all of them at the same time. And all knowledge was available to me, I understood what life was and what it was all about.” ~A Near Death Experience

“Traveled for a while through this blackness then there was a beautiful glow of blue. The blue kept getting brighter and brighter until it was bright white intense light. I stopped moving and stood, well with no body, in front of this light. I felt the rays of this light go through me. This was exciting and I just bathed in it for a while. It was the most amazing intense feeling I have ever experienced. Unconditional love, peace contentment and happiness. I knew this was God. Not what I had learned as a child… the old man with the beard. I wanted to stay there forever. I felt like a baby in his mother’s arms. No worries.” ~Another Near Death Experience

“The light was infinite. The light enveloped me with unconditional love; I was totally relaxed, without pain, peaceful and felt an unlimited love oozing thru my body. No drug, no matter how powerful on this world could or ever would be able to give you this powerful emotion. I was in total peace, totally secure and safe, floating on this cloud of love in the brilliant light was an experience that no single word could describe. I did not want to leave that place; I felt serene, happy and loved. My whole life changed when I returned. I did not want to, but I was sucked back into the cloud and retuned into the hospital room.” ~Another Near Death Experience

“Ever thing seemed to be very vital and alive. There was the ultimate LOVE here. I felt no remorse for the love ones I had left. I was in total bliss. Time was not an issue. I had complete peace. I felt I had come HOME.” ~Another Near Death Experience

“Become totally empty
Quiet the restlessness of the mind
Only then will you witness everything
unfolding from emptiness
See all things flourish and dance
in endless variation
And once again merge back into perfect emptiness—
Their true repose
Their true nature
Emerging, flourishing, dissolving back again
This is the eternal process of return
To know this process brings enlightenment
To miss this process brings disaster
Be still
Stillness reveals the secrets of eternity
Eternity embraces the all-possible
The all-possible leads to a vision of oneness
A vision of oneness brings about universal love
Universal love supports the great truth of Nature
The great truth of Nature is Tao
Whoever knows this truth lives forever
The body may perish, deeds may be forgotten
But he who has Tao has all eternity…
A mind free of thought,
merged within itself,
Beholds the essence of the Tao
A mind filled with thought,
identified with its own perceptions,
beholds the mere forms of this world.” ~Laozi

“Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.” ~Jesus Christ

“I entered into the innermost part of myself. . . . I entered and I saw with my soul’s eye (such as it was) an unchangeable light shining above this eye of my soul and above my mind. . . . He who knows truth knows that light, and he who knows that light knows eternity. Love knows it. O eternal truth and true love and beloved eternity!” ~St. Augustine

“The soul has a hidden abyss, untouched by time and space, which is far superior to anything that gives life and movement to the body. Into this noble and wondrous ground, this secret realm, there descends that bliss of which we have spoken. Here the soul has its eternal abode. Here a man becomes so still and essential, so single-minded and withdrawn, so raised up in purity, and more and more removed from all things. . . . This state of the soul cannot be compared to what it has been before, for now it is granted to share in the divine life itself.”~Johannes Tauler

“. . . a kind of waking trance — this for lack of a better word — I have frequently had, quite up from boyhood, when I have been all alone. . . . All at once, as it were out of the intensity of the consciousness of individuality, the individuality itself seemed to dissolve and fade away into boundless being, and this not a confused state but the clearest, the surest of the surest . . . utterly beyond words — where death was an almost laughable impossibility, the loss of personality (if so it were) seeming no extinction, but the only true life. . . .

I am ashamed of my feeble description. Have I not said the state is utterly beyond words?. . .

There is no delusion in the matter! It is no nebulous ecstasy, but a state of transcendent wonder, associated with absolute clearness of mind.” ~Alfred, Lord Tennyson

“The utter simplicity and obviousness of the infused light which contemplation pours into our soul suddenly awakens us to a new level of awareness. We enter a region which we had never even suspected, and yet it is this new world which seems familiar and obvious. The old world of our senses is now the one that seems to us strange, remote and unbelievable. . . .

A door opens in the center of our being and we seem to fall through it into immense depths which, although they are infinite, are all accessible to us; all eternity seems to have become ours in this one placid and breathless contact. . . .

You feel as if you were at last fully born.” ~Thomas Merton

“I sense a holy passion pouring down from the springs of Infinity. . . . Bound to suns and planets by invisible cords, I feel the flame of eternity in my soul. Here, in the midst of the every-day air, I sense the rush of ethereal rains. I am conscious of the splendor that binds all things of earth to all things of heaven — immured by silence and darkness, I possess the light which shall give me vision a thousandfold when death sets me free.” ~Helen Keller

“The world lost focus, and then I was somewhere else.  I felt warm but had no body to feel with.  I was buoyed up by currents of amazing colors, swirling with them toward some point in the distance.  This was sensed, not seen, as I was merely energy.  Every detail had more clarity, though, than I had ever known.  It was wondrous.  I knew I was dead, but I was not concerned.  It was okay.  Time was passing but it didn’t matter.  Seconds, hours, even years lost all meaning.

As I drifted higher, I understood that I was moving toward something important.  Infinitely important.  I was not alone, and the realization surprised me.  There were others here, millions, but instead of fear I felt overwhelming joy.  I was connected with each.  A complete awareness came over me.  I could feel everything and I was everything.  All was right, and I was perfectly content and at peace.” ~Me

“If with closed ears and eyes I consult consciousness for a moment, immediately are all walls and barriers dissipated, earth rolls from under me, and I float . . . in the midst of an unknown and infinite sea, or else heave and swell like a vast ocean of thought, without rock or headland, where are all riddles solved, all straight lines making there their two ends to meet, eternity and space gambolling familiarly through my depths. I am from the beginning, knowing no end, no aim. No sun illumines me, for I dissolve all lesser lights in my own intenser and steadier light. I am a restful kernel in the magazine of the universe. . . .

Men are constantly dinging in my ears their fair theories and plausible solutions of the universe, but ever there is no help, and I return again to my shoreless, islandless ocean.”~Henry David Thoreau

“Only in the perfect uncontamination and solitariness of individuality. . . . Only here, and on such terms, the meditation, the devout ecstasy, the soaring flight. Only here, communion with the mysteries. . . .  The soul emerges, and all statements, churches, sermons, melt away like vapors. Alone, and silent thought and awe, and aspiration — and then the interior consciousness, like a hitherto unseen inscription, in magic ink, beams out its wondrous lines to the sense. Bibles may convey, and priests expound, but it is exclusively for the noiseless operation of one’s isolated self, to enter the pure ether of veneration, reach the divine levels, and commune with the unutterable.” ~Walt Whitman

“The mind of the elect . . . is frequently carried away into the sweetness of heavenly contemplation; already it sees something of the inmost realities as it were through the mist . . . it feeds on the taste of the unencompassed Light, and being carried beyond self, disdains to sink back again into self. . . .

Sometimes the soul is admitted to some unwonted sweetness of interior relish, and is suddenly in some way refreshed when breathed on by the glowing spirit. . . .

When this is in any way seen, the mind is absorbed in a sort of rapturous security; and carried beyond itself, as though the present life had ceased to be, it is in a way remade in a certain newness [it is refreshed in a manner by a kind of new being . . . ]. There the mind is besprinkled with the infusion of heavenly dew from an inexhaustible fountain.” ~St. Gregory the Great

“We live in succession, in division, in parts, in particles. Meantime within man is the soul of the whole; the wise silence; the universal beauty, to which every part and particle is equally related; the eternal One. And this deep power in which we exist, and whose beatitude is all accessible to us, is not only self-sufficing and perfect in every hour, but the act of seeing and the thing seen, the seer and the spectacle, the subject and the object, are one. We see the world piece by piece, as the sun, the moon, the animal, the tree; but the whole, of which these are the shining parts, is the soul. . . .” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“To know that what is impenetrable for us really exists and manifests itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, whose gross forms alone are intelligible to our poor faculties — this knowledge, this feeling . . . that is the core of the true religious sentiment. In this sense, and in this sense alone, I rank myself among profoundly religious men.” ~Albert Einstein

“I had never believed in a soul or afterlife.  I doubted a higher power, universal consciousness, or ultimate truth.  Now I have no doubt.  Sadly, details later faded, but this was more real than any dream.  This was more real than life.  Had I had been offered the choice I would have remained there forever.  No hesitation.  No regrets.  The memory of absolute bliss remains.” ~Me

Sinful Sunday
This is for the Sinful Sunday Easter Perversion competition. See who else is competing here.
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Thank you.
17 Responses
  1. bratty_dea says:

    I so agree with everything you said in this post. I too found answers in being submissive and through pain and also in being a slut. And you are right…the answer is within each of us. I use to think the answer for each of us was the same, that there was a set path I had to follow and it was suppose to be the same as my neighbor. But once I let go of that thought process and embraced how I felt inside I truly became free and started seeing beauty in life again. I was taught at an early age to repress how I felt inside and continued to live that way until the opening of my marriage. I became very depressed because of it. I am slowly but surely letting go of that and trying to live how I truly want to live even though it may not agree with religion, science, or the universe.

    • iSlut_ says:

      I don't think they don't agree. I believe that is the point. 🙂

      • bratty_dea says:

        The religion I was brought up with does not agree with how I am living now. If people truly understood the Bible they would see yes poly is through out it and whores, thugs, etc., were loved by God. They were not perfect beings. The religion I grew up with focused on being perfect which meant being without sin. According to that religion I should only be with my husband and not have a Master also who is not my husband. So in that way it does not agree.

  2. mollyskiss says:

    This is a very powerful piece. I admit I have had to read it through a couple of times to really absorb it all but the first part of it actually made me feel quite emotional. So much of the sentiment of it felt familiar and raw to me. As for the image, it is quite breath-taking!


    Ps… I added you link into the page for you xxx
    My recent post Beneath You…

  3. Mistress Mia says:

    You have put into words very well what I also know to be true and it is so completely personal for everyone when they find that place. Wonderfully written……

    ~Mia~ xx
    My recent post TMI Award

  4. kazigrrl says:

    I believe I get what you're saying here, though my relationship with Sir is still fairly young. I've been going through an epiphany lately myself regarding relationships and spirituality and mucking through what I'm feeling about it. I know when I am with Him I am in that place, it is just hard when our meetings are few and far between…

    ~Kazi xxx
    My recent post Sinful Sunday: Dragon’s Easter Perversion

  5. frisky916cpl says:

    This was a very insightful post. Though we aren't able to relate to the concept of subspace – we don't practice D/s – we almost wish we did, as we don't believe in Heaven, Nirvana, self-actualization, etc. and it would be nice to catch a glimpse of that blissful plane of existence. The parallels you draw to Christianity and its belief system are intriguing.
    My recent post Sinful Sunday: Happy Easter!

  6. rebelsnotes says:

    Thanks for putting into words what I have felt at times… and hope to feel many times more in future.
    A beautiful, insightful piece!
    Rebel xox
    My recent post Just add some chocolate…

  7. This is a very intense and deep post. I really enjoyed reading it, mulling it over and enjoying the perversion – thank you! xxx

  8. Vincent Vega says:

    Very powerful post. Good job.
    My recent post Sinful Sunday: He Is Risen

  9. ladypandorah says:

    Quite a consuming post and a lot to contend with, my sincere admiration for you in bringing this insight to us. Thank you.

    LP x

  10. Phil says:

    “Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”
    Winnie the Pooh.

    L, I loved this post you've shared. You have a beautiful soul.