Perfectly Logical

I said earlier today “I hate it when I have an epiphany and it’s not the answer I want to hear.”

I found myself looking at an old post (WANTED: Experienced Sadist) and feeling shitty for even looking at it.


Why? Well, here is a morning conversation I had.

Me:
I could use a hug

R:
*big furry bear hug*

Me:
Thank you.

R:
What is/was the matter?

Me:
Sir needs to stay in Oregon for a while. Work/family. An unknown amount of time.
Was supposed to be a week.

R:
Awwwww, crap. I’m so sorry.
Whereabouts in OR?

Me:
Btwn Portland & Salem. 212 miles.

R:
That’s about 3 1/2, four hours’ drive … Is he in a place where he can have you come stay for a day or two sometimes?

Me:
It is out of my budget & work/family schedule. Realistically. But yes.
Struggling balancing logic with love.

R:
I understand the balance, well…
… but – the balance is wonderful when it works. Don’t wanna mess it up.

Me:
But such a delicate balance. How far am I able to stretch in one direction without toppling over?

R:
When you say ‘a while’ … Likely a week or two longer? Or really indeterminate?

Me:
I wouldn’t get upset over a week or two. Months.

R:
This is it … Kids at home … You’re fortunate to have two other adults in the house, but still …
If you’re away every time you have a day off, it’s a bit much, maybe. Every second ‘weekend’?
Months? Holy … You and T are gonna be quite a terror, untethered …

Me:
then we’re back to the money issue

R:
Ah yeah … Split the gas w/T? Of course, her schedule may not mesh with yours …
… and it wouldn’t give you any one-on-one time …

Me:
*sigh* Even going 70 miles to t has been a financial strain with ferry tolls. Tight budget.

R:
Understood. An unplanned period off of work doesn’t help. And the V.A. has no sluttiness budget?

Me:
Just have a lot of things to think about. *sigh*

R:
I understand. I’m around, in the virtual sense. *more big furry bear hugs*

Me:
*sigh* Warm & snuggly virtual hugs make me smile. But they still don’t feel real. That’s part of the problem.

R:
Yup. The arms have cravings … The lips have cravings … The rest, too …

Me:
That. What I just sent. That is the crux of it all. I need physical touch, need cock, need pain. Logic & budgets don’t matter.

R:
Of course, you DO have more local people who can give you the touch, the cock, the pain … Not his, but …

Me:
I need someone really close. The slut side always has a backup. Or two… But want one within 10 miles. Local Sadist cock. A good one.
Hell, just realized I know one. About 20 miles. But Sir said no to that option the other night.

R:
No? That’s interesting. Do you have a harmful history with this person?

Me:
No. Great guy. Only ever hugged him once. Must work on proposal for Sir. A logical solution.

R:
Perhaps he’s feeling a little threatened by you having a quality alternative closer to home …

Me:
To think I’d already been working on this contingency plan all along. Unconsciously. Slut.

R:
A good slut always has options. Always.

Me:
Not the same “pull” Sir has on me. An OMFG physical power Sir has on me.
But I am poly. I develop relationships.

R:
I’m with you re: poly. If there’s no connection there … why would I want to sleep with you? There are deeper options … More satisfying..

Me:
*sigh* Thank you for being my friend & sounding board again. Helping me think. Focus. May I use this conversation? I must write. For me.

R:
You can use this conversation, yes. I know that you’ll find a way to plow through this time ahead. It’s not ideal, but you’ll make it work.

Me:
A good slut always does. But sometimes it hurts my heart.

R:
It’s not always easy being slutty, and it’s not always easy being poly. It’s not always easy, finding fulfillment. But once we’ve tasted it-
… there’s really no going back.

Me:
Yeah. Just need to add one thing to restore the balance. I hope. *super big slutty kiss & hug* TTYL

R:
Ciao, Luv! *smooch on the cheek*


It’s all so perfectly logical. Maintain my relationship with Sir long distance. It would rarely be physical, because the added stress of trying to set aside money and now additional travel time is more than I can handle right now. I must be patient. I can wait for him to come up here.



Maintain my relationship with pet. She may just have to come visit me a bit more often.


Start a new relationship with a local Sadist that Sir already knows. More frequent pain will help with the stressors going on. I would save money & gas. Maybe bring pet along sometimes…


Understand that Sir will not go without sex himself… nor would I expect him to.


Perfectly logical. Everybody wins. Everybody cums. 

Perfect. 

Perfectly cold. 

Perfectly unfeeling. 

Perfectly greedy. 

The Slut manipulating circumstances to her advantage again with well practiced ease. She is used to business as normal. Keep up the cock supply. Adventures must be had. Fucking must continue with as little interruption as possible.


*sigh*


Wouldn’t it be convenient if fucking was the only consideration. 
The Sub is heartbroken. I want to see Sir, touch Him, smell, hear, & taste him with all I am. It’s not forever. But it will be longer in between. It hurts. All logic aside, she is crying. 
The Masochist is screaming. Pain is important and has become a useful stress reliever and brain re-setter.  It had already begun to not be as frequent as I really needed it, and now it would be even less often? She kicked into a panic. She can rival the Slut for fast planning to satisfy her hunger. She is the one that scares me the most. In a full frenzy, she is really, really, literally a danger to my physical safety. 


My emotional side loves Sir. No logic applies here. It just is. The same goes for Pet. I don’t want to lose Him. Or Her. Or Us. And I hope they are able to keep the connection they have. She is sad. And scared. And determined.
Like pet says, sometimes 3 = 4. Three of us, four relationships. All tottering a bit today due to circumstances beyond our control. The longer the lever, the harder it is to balance. Counterweight may be required. 

Ah, there’s that cold logic again. It is often useful… but I don’t always like the greed and hunger using it.


This not a story that will be finished in one telling. It’s not just about me. I am journaling, expressing and analyzing my own thoughts. 

This is where I am this morning. Anything can happen. At any time. Any day. Who knows where any of our lives will be tomorrow…


In the meantime, I am trying to keep up my sense of humor. *insert smart-assed bratty comment here*

And, like a good girl, I am presenting this all of this information to Sir, and more, seeking His guidance. He is my Owner. And he only wants what is best for me

Comment Here or Tweet Me.
Thank you.
One Response
  1. Hubman says:

    I've wondered about some of the practical challenges that you face in managing your relationships, this post really gives some great insight.

    I'm sorry to hear that you're missing your Owner and face the prospect of being apart for an extended amount of time.

    I was going to offer you your choice of a hug or a smack on the ass, but I think I know which you' like 😉
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