Withdrawal

This has been the longest I have gone without seeing Sir since we met. I think my body and mind are addicted to him. I am starting to notice symptoms of withdrawal.

Aside from the obvious craving for the totally awesome mind-blowing sex, I am missing the beating. I had actually written an essay about the long-term effects of masochism and subspace for one of my classes. I am definitely feeling the lack of them now. 

I have not been lacking orgasms while he is gone. (Although I have thought about defying Sir and buying a Hitachi of my own.) So that isn’t it. It has to be the beating.

Physically, I am breaking out. Zits like a teenager! I hate it. I am also achy all over, and not in a good way. I had become used to the long term pain relief side effects. My lower back always used to ache (damned big boobs), but I haven’t really felt it in months. This morning I was thinking about getting out a heating pad.  Some Tylenol and I felt better, but I realized I haven’t had to take any in the morning for a very long time. I can live with the aches, though, and maybe even the zits.

The biggest effect (or lack of effect) I am noticing right now is mental. I miss the focus, the clarity, the serenity. I am having difficulty concentrating. I am getting bitchy. (If you don’t believe me, ask my husband!) I do not have that inner, happy calm I have so much come to enjoy. Daily stresses, things that really aren’t that big of a deal and I know it, are getting to me more. It feels like PMS on steroids. It feels like a long, drawn out subdrop without the high. It feels like before Sir. 🙁

I told Sir last night that if he were here I would beg him to beat me to a bloody pulp. He knew why. He asked ” Stressed a bit are ya slut?” YES I am, but not over anything major. Just over every single little stupid thing. Self-inflicted pain does not have the same effect, or I would be walking around with clothespins all over. I have a neighbor that is a Sadist, and I have thought about asking him to beat me. But I worry it would not be the same without that connection, that bond I have with Sir.

One way or another I will survive until Sir gets back. I just hope my family can survive achy, cranky, crabby, weepy, grumpy me!
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