View From Subspace

Sir had no use for my mind last night. He chased my brain out of my body right away leaving only the most primal part of me… the animal side… for his use. His holes for fucking, His body for beating, and the growling, moaning, screaming, writhing creature inside that amuses him so much.

There are almost no memories today. There were almost no memories last night. It’s like trying to piece together a dream. Perhaps in time. 
I remember cock everywhere… I remember pain everywhere, very intense pain… Perhaps the most pain ever. I remember parts of riding the Hitachi on the cross. He said later he watched me perform on it. More pain. Being moved again. Being bound again. I fought to say “there”. He would not let me. I lost. Floating on the ceiling watching myself being beaten. Cock worship. Cuming. Ass worship. More cock. More pain. Lots of it. The (false) sensation of my flesh being sliced open. Cuming. Straining against my bindings. Was I fighting to get away from something or to get to it? Flying through beautiful waves of pain. I could see them. The waves were different colors and warm. Constantly cuming. His voice. I don’t know what he was saying, but his voice was a physical sensation. The music was caressing me. Time stopped. A peaceful, blissful place where I had no body at all. I could still hear myself, and I was making a lot of noise.

It is very frustrating not to remember more. I want to remember. I have told Sir I want him to film this once so I can see myself. I would like to meet this creature, this thing, this dark self that I become when whatever is “me” completely leaves. I remember before, and I remember after, but there is a huge nearly blank chunk of time missing. All I have to go on is what Sir tells me, aching muscles and bruises, and the occasional wonderful snapshot of that time in my mind.
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3 Responses
  1. SecretSlave says:

    Sounds like a good night 😉 I know what you mean about wanting to meet this other self. I often wish I could see from the outside exactly what I'm like in subspace, how it changes me.